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My goodness...it seems like I just pushed play on school and now we are in October. September was FILLED with so much that I actual feel a breeze whip by my face just thinking over it.
I have gained so much clarity over the last 2 months and I seem to have gotten a good perspective over some of the struggles I have had the last 2 years here. It is all part of God's plan. I often have wondered why we got moved here and really scratched my head wondering.
But through our weakness and mistakes we are made stronger and better. I am nowhere talented enough to express in words the way the Lord has been working in my life but I have been given a season of consolation and I am feeling very grateful and somewhat unworthy at the moment. I think the hardest thing sometimes with our relationship with God and our faith is the ability to forgive ourselves. It can be much easier to forgive someone else for a hurt or mistake...but actually letting yourself off the hook is much harder.
I have to forgive myself in order to move on and I am working on that. I am not perfect...but that is what is so perfect ...I don't have to be. God calls and loves us in our imperfection. He knows we will fail..over and over again. But there is His grace. And actually being open to that grace is what will lead us to forgive ourselves the way He has.
We are entering the Year of Mercy. And my goal is to be merciful to myself...and only then can I share that mercy with others. And the one thing I learn OVER and OVER again is we all need forgiveness, mercy, and a heart of gratitude.
And on this sunny day here in Sitka..I am BURSTING with gratitude for so many things. Especially the grace I have been given to realize what a gift this feeling is...it does not last...
Those 6 kids up there...I made those kids...each one of them were a gift from God and some days I forget that. I forget that when I loose my patience and feel burdened by their needs. Those are the days I am not asking for God's help..those are the days I think I can do this alone. I can not...not even for 1 minute can I do this without Him.
NONE of us can.